61 Things I Wanna Do With You
by wicked18writer
Summary: Pam writes Sookie a list of things she wants to with her & sometimes Eric , before she dies. 2/2
1. Chapter 1

61 Things I Wanna Do With You

**Summary:** Pam writes Sookie a list of things she wants to with her (& sometimes Eric), before she dies. 1/2

**Rating:** T for language and suggestion

**Author:** wicked18writer

**Spoilers:** There are some references made to books but if you just watch the show you'll get it. (own nothing)

**A/N: **Also I'm adding punctuation at the end of the list items for this fic to see if anyone notices or cares.

…..!…!…..

My Dear Telepathic Friend Sookie,

Eric informed me that he sent you a list of things you would do together before your weak human body decayed beyond the point of entertaining him and as you are my only telepathic friend I though I should jot down things for us to do before you leave us as well. It would be a shame if after your death I were left 'unfinished business' in regards to our friendship. I would probably go through several humans trying to complete these items on my list, which is what Dear Abby would call 'transference'.

Eric said you must comply with his list because he tricked you into a contract, I am not as desperate…you are only contractedly bound to engage half the items on this list! So choose wisely…

Sincerely, Pam

_Begin each number with the sentence "With you, I want to": _

1 Have sex with Eric.

2 Embark on a whirlwind music/dance tour where our sexy sextuplet girl power pop group Spice Vamps will perform…

3 …You will be known as Psych Spice…

4 …Amelia will be Vixen Spice…

5 …Tara will be Mild Spice…

6 …Hadley will be VERY Blonde Spice…

7… Lorena will be known as Bitch Spice and will eventually leave the group…

8 …And I will be known as Bisexual Spice.

9 Train your shifter boss to act as a carrier pigeon, in case of an emergency blackout or an event in which we are without access to cell phones. (Think of it as old school texting)

10 Burn all of your underwear so we can go shopping to get you new non-hideous lingerie.

11 Re-enact certain scenes from Wild Things, of course I'll play the Denise Richard's part, and Eric will have to stretch his acting abilities to play that trashy goth girl that Neve Campbell plays, and BTW I think you'll make an excellent naughty teacher as portrayed by Matt Dillon.

12 Come up with an evil plot to take over the world, only to be foiled and then angrily shout, "We would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling kids!"

13 Teach you how to speak my made up language of Guccieese so we can talk about Eric behind his back in front of his face.

14 Host a 'Make Fun Of Bill Compton' party at Fangtasia, where we all dress in polo shirts and kaki pants, and act boring, for those at the entrance of the club who don't know who Bill is, we will tell them to act bland, tell people their 'mainstreaming' and just go around screaming at each other "Sookie is mine!"

15 Enter a wet t-shirt contest where I am a participant and the judge and there are no other contestants besides you and me.

16 Attend a key party with all of my female pets, your friends except the Were's not including your shifter friend Sam Merlotte, NOT your brother, and Eric.

17 Host a girls only 'Get Your Vajayjay Shaved' event at Fangtasia right before the newly instituted 'Naked Day' party!

18 Fill Eric's car up with Jello and cover his throne at Fangtasia in 80 layers of bubble wrap.

19 Watch Amelia blood wrestle your friend Tara, and then we being the gracious ladies we are, will kindly take them to a shower and help clean then off…with our tongues…and then we will all have sex together.

20 Convince Eric and your brother that you woke up gay and have fallen in love with me and with to get married.

21 Start a clothing company wear we bedazzle blood drops and fang marks on turtle necks and then sell our wares on the Home Shopping Network.

22 Go up to people wearing an eye patch and say "Swash Swash, Buckle Buckle" and then walk away.

23 Start a fake telethon to help nonexistent baby vamp prostitutes who we say have resorted to begging or holding up signs on street corners that say "Will F*ck for Blood" and then ask people to send in donations so we can save the children.

24 Buy up PETA, ASPCA, and CAFT bumper stickers, posters, and random paraphernalia and attach it to the outside of your Shifter's trailer and spray 'Save the Naked Mole Rats' on the hood of his truck.

25 Film a your brother chasing a dollar wafting in the non-existent wind down the street towards us only to discover that we were pulling it by fishing line and then we kick him in the balls and send the video in to America's Funniest Home Videos.

26 Make a porno entitled, "The Shifter/Lion Watches as The Witch, The Vamp, & the Viking Have Sex With The Telepath in the Wardrobe."

27 Do a nude photo shoot together shot by Eric and use the pictures as wallpaper for the ceiling in Fangtasia, which will be more elegant and thus more profitable than the trashy mirrors Eric wants to add.

28 Shave Merlotte's eyebrows, to see if when he shifts into his furry doggie form, if the dog will also have no eyebrows (or hair where the eyebrows would be), and if when he shifts back, they grow back by means of some Shifter super hair growth ability.

29 Play the 'Black Mamba' sock puppet snake gag from the MTV show the "Wildboyz" and awaken someone (preferably a Shifter) whilst wearing a sock on our hands and then smack them awake and then say, "Black Mamba".

30 Buy one of those old time-y western saloon self playing pianos, force Chow to dress up as a old time-y bartender, then stage a fight between yourself and Ginger, only to have me come in dressed as the sheriff and break up the fight, and watch as everyone else looks on in confusion (including Eric) as we continue on with our skit for several hours without breaking character….

31 …in which we ultimately reveal that you (Sookie) are married to Chow the bartender, but are also my lover, as is Ginger, who is somehow pregnant from another man (we will draw a tourist into the skit at that point) and then Chow will get jealous because he wanted to cheat on you with Ginger but now can't because of her 'delicate' situation, so you slap him and then run to me, while Ginger runs to him to be comforted as we make out to make them jealous as everyone looks on in lustful confusion.

32 Host a 'Bring Out Your Dead' Monty Python party at Fangtasia and force everyone to speak without using the letters 'c', 'b', or 'v' and then throw out anyone who does not abide by our rules.

33 Open a face-painting booth at the entrance of Fangtasia and force all those who enter to do so either with whiskers, a zebra face, or hippy-esque peace signs rainbows and hearts.

34 Enjoy a classic wardrobe malfunction whilst dressed up for one of my various Fangtasia costume events. Perhaps when you attend our surprise costume party?

35 Show up to Eric's a "A Very Potter Musical" viewing party at Fangtasia wearing I heart "SModcast 29: Harry Scotter and the Order of the Penis" t-shirts.

…..!…!…..

!

…..!…!…..

**A/N: REVIEW ME PLEASE! **

**Also AUTHOR'S NOTE **For explanation of some of my more specific pop culture references just so we're all on the same page: **(explanation compliments of wikipedia) **If you still don't get a reference just ask when you REVIEW me and I'll enlighten you.

#20 Is a reference to these old fic's where people would write these stories about these main heterosexual characters just waking up gay one day. I'm not sure if it was a sight or a challenge but I remember reading one like 6 years ago and I thought it was stupid in practicality but funny in concept.

#22 References something Orlando Bloom says on the behind the scenes DVD of one of the POTC movies.

#35 Is A reference to the Podcast done by Director Kevin Smith and Uber producer Scott Mosier, specifically the podcast they did regarding the last book "Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows" by JK Rowling. SERIOUSLY HILARIOUS. I listen to their podcast religiously. Also, again I reference the BRILLIANT musical parody of the Harry Potter book series, called 'A Very Potter Musical' which can & should be viewed on youtube for any self-respecting Potter fan.


	2. Chapter 2

61 Things I Wanna Do With You

**Summary:** Pam writes Sookie a list of things she wants to with her, before she dies. 2/2

**Rating:** T for language and suggestion

**Author:** wicked18writer

**Spoilers:** There are some references made to books but if you just watch the show you'll get it. (own nothing)

**A/N: **Also I'm adding punctuation at the end of the list items for this fic to see if anyone notices or cares.

…..!…!…..

_Begin each number with the sentence "With you, I want to": _

36 Go to a lesbian bar, where you will help me pick up some 'chicks' as my 'wing-woman'.

37 Go around and spray paint 'To Me!" on all the Yield signs in Bon Temp & Shreveport.

38 Join an archery club, learn how to use a bow and arrow, then declare war on those annoying birds who shit all over my car every morning and then hunt them down, cook them, and hand out free shit-bird-cabob's at Fangtasia.

39 Sell random items that we have 'aged' according to the Martha Stewart book on antiquing on Ebay as items previously owned by old dead famous people such as, Jim Henson, Mr. Rogers, or Hugh Hefner. (We will have to lie and say that Hugh is a vampire, god knows he's been around long enough for people to believe us.)

40 Advertise new rainbow candy sold at Fangtasia buy giving away free samples at the door and by telling people to 'Taste the Veinbow".

41 Catch local deer during hunting season and paint 'Bambi's Mom' on the side of them in white paint…

42…catch geese and paint 'Kill ME I Shit On EVERYTHING' on them…

43…catch/or breed bunnies and paint numbers on them as homage to the show 'Lost'.

44 Go to Compton's house when he is out and paint everything he owns, every wall, every ceiling, and every floor, pastel pink.

45 Find 'Dear Abby' and force others to worship her for her wisdom.

46 Buy and use the 'Snuggie' to kill a claustrophobic Werewolf by sewing them up inside it and depriving them of food, water, light, and air.

47 Kidnap and imprison Mr. and Mrs. Lohan, and force them to sit through parenting classes in the hopes they will be better stage parents like Demi Moore, Bruce Willis, and Ashton Kutcher….

48 …If their behavior doesn't improve, kidnap them again, but this time force them to listen to Bill Compton read the phonebook over and over for 5 days straight and then release them into the woods of Canada and let them find their own way home.

49 Buy Flavor Flav a digital watch and take all his clocks away, also steal his Viking hat as he brings shame to Eric's people whenever he don's it.

50 Go to Bill Compton and dance with him seductively at Fangtasia, as I poor itching powder all over him without him noticing.

51 Buy the 'Build-A-Bear' company and repackage it into 'Build-A-Vamp', so we can start teaching those disgusting creatures known as children how to not hate, but love vampires.

52 Dress up as a crime fighting superhero group, where I am known as the charismatic rogue, Vamperella…

53 …You (Sookie) are my perky sidekick, Lady Brainy…

54 …Eric is our fearless leader, Fearless Leader…

55 …Amelia is the witch-y 'Charlie' to our 'Angel's', known as Witchtower…

56 …Bubba is our mascot, Bubba-doo…

57 …And Bill is the evil villain who's plots we foil, known as GENTLEman!

58 Host a 'air band' convention and when all the contestants show up, beat them with violins, cello's, flutes, recorders, harmonicas, harps, and all the musical instruments we can get our hands on.

59 Start a dog walking business, slip your boss a sedative/tranquilizer, glue all of the dogs collar to their furry necks, then super glue the leashes handles to Sam Merlotte's hand, then place him in the middle of a park and wait for him to wake up, OR….

60 … Whip the dogs so they will 'mush' and run away and see how long they can drag the Shifter behind them before he wakes up.

61 Did I mention the threesome with Eric?

Dear Pam,

We can meet up and do #36 tomorrow night.

Sincerely, Sookie Stackhouse

…..!…!…..

!

…..!…!…..

**A/N: REVIEW ME PLEASE! **

**Also AUTHOR'S NOTE **For explanation of some of my more specific pop culture references just so we're all on the same page just ask when you REVIEW me and I'll enlighten you.


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